Early Word

Garcia Resembles Who?

2007-01-05T15:03:00.000-05:00

Check it out. Is it just me? Or does Eagles quarterback Jeff Garcia kind of resemble last year's Wing Bowl champ, Joey Chestnut. OK, it's not as good as Howard Eskin and the Burger King, but, hey, both are champs. (Garcia won a title in Canadian Football League.) Wait, one gave the Birds wings, the other ate the birds' wings. And both succeeded guys who heaved and had to leave. (Sorry, Donovan.

Rose Apology Balls? What Could Baseballs Say Next?

2006-09-20T07:21:00.000-04:00

Pete Rose signed some baseballs, "I'm sorry I bet on baseball. Pete Rose." And 30 of them will be auctioned off next year. Now he denies he knew they'd be re-sold. What's next? Autographs that say ...I'm sorry I sold baseballs that said, 'I'm sorry I bet on baseball.' Pete Rose.Sorry I can't hit with two strikes, except that once off Roger Clemens. Pat Burrell.I'm sorry I was an ostrich about

And the Winning Ryan Howard Nickname Is ...

2006-09-15T09:22:00.000-04:00

Broad Street Bomber. It handily won all three polls it was in, including the final faceoff with Howitzer, a strong No. 2. Whether either sticks only time, fans, teammates and media members will tell. You'll find all the results in various polls below.Would also like to single out 10 favorites as far as creativity is concerned. OK, maybe they're not as snappy or nickname-worthy as the winner, but

A Reality Show They Oughta Do Is ...

2006-09-15T08:16:00.000-04:00

This season, the TV networks have backed off bigtime from reality TV, opting for Lost-like serials of mystery and intrigue. (I'm already hooked on Fox's Vanished and I can't believe I'm still watching Prison Break.) But was the problem with reality TV oversaturation? Or a lack of imagination? Here's some shows I'd watch.Beer Factor. Every stunt involves beer. Sky diving into beer. Swimming in

Let Top 2 Nicknames Go Head to Head

2006-09-14T07:15:00.000-04:00

In sports, winners are decided in head to head competition. So before we declare Broad Street Bomber the champ in the Ryan Howard nickname search, let's see how it does face to face with its primary competitor, Howitzer.Which of these Final 2 nicknames do you like best?HowitzerBroad Street Bomber Free polls from Pollhost.comAs we conclude this exercise, have to say I enjoyed seeing how many

Ryan Howard Nickname Showdown Poll

2006-09-13T06:37:00.000-04:00

Well, the results are in of six Ryan Howard nickname polls, which generated more than 100 suggestions from creative fans. The most popular choices, mostly according to percentage of votes, but in a couple of cases by total number of votes, made the final cut. Let's pick a winner:What's the best nickname for Ryan Howard?HowitzerWhambinoBig SmoothBroad Street BomberRhynoThe Ryan KingH-BombBig

For Ryan Out Loud, Baby Phat & Lethal Weapon 6 Are Good, Too

2006-09-12T11:36:00.000-04:00

The final Ryan Howard nickname poll was supposed to be today. But you guys kept posting suggestions too good to ignore. Here's your chance to endorse a come-from-behind candidate, and boost it into the finals -- tomorrow, I promise! -- with a chance to win.But even non-winners might be a little glory, because I'll email a list of lots of favorites to sportswriters and headline writers, who are

How About Some Eagles Nicknames?

2006-09-12T08:23:00.000-04:00

How far can this nickname train go? Just got this post: "I think the Eagles Offense should have a nickname. Maybe "WMD" (Westbrook, McNabb, Donte). Whatta think?"Hmmm. I thought the D-Line and McNabb were the ones in need of nicknames. But WMD for "weapons of mass destruction" is pretty good (though perhaps a mite premature). Post your Eagles suggestions, and after the Ryan Howard smoke clears,

Inspired new nickname for Ryan Howard?

2006-09-11T07:20:00.000-04:00

Suddenly it came to me, while thinking about Ryan Howard nicknames. If he passes Roger Maris' 61 home runs, many fans will feel he's the true home run king, because they suspect all the other record-breakers to have cheating by using performance-enhancing drugs. Well, if he's the real deal, how about this moniker for the relatively young, kinda baby-faced bopper:Babe Truth Free polls from

Ryan Howard Nickname Poll, Round 2

2006-09-09T08:08:00.000-04:00

We're one step closer to a final Top 5 showdown poll for a Ryan Howard nickname. Howitzer, H-Bomb and Rhyno look sure to make the finals. But first one last shot for a new idea to earn its way into the contest.Which of these OTHER Ryan Howard nickname ideas do you like best? (Pull down list first, make a pick, then click "Vote")The Ryan KingHeymakerHow FarSwatBoomerang (circles the bases,

The Next 'Rocky' Money-Making Idea Is ...

2006-09-08T07:06:00.000-04:00

Good grief. I saw this on Action News last night: A series of Rocky action figures includes a slab of meat! What's next? What will vendors sell or rent near the statue being dedicated today near the Art Museum? I'm thinking: Gotta have an inflatable Rocky doll for people to pose with at the top of the steps. Rake in bucks by renting the doll and selling photos. And hey why not rent a pedestal so

Need Nicknames for Howard, McNabb?

2006-09-07T08:48:00.000-04:00

WIP, a philly.com discussion board, a PhilliesPhans.com poll and armchairgm's "contest" have all been brainstorming for nicknames for Ryan Howard. Which prompted me to think of a few myself: The Six Machine. KerPowered. ShaSlam. And Whoomp. I'm gonna put the whole lot of them in a new poll. Feel free to keep posting suggestions, though. If we get a clear Top 5, I'll post a final showdown poll

Eagles Off-Season Report Card: A

2006-09-06T10:04:00.000-04:00

C'mon, admit it, you cynics out there. You, OK we, were afraid last year's 6-10 Eagles would think all they needed to do was recover from their physical wounds and those emotional ones created by Terrell "Boogey Monster" Owens.But I gotta praise the Eagles for clearly realizing much more was needed.They seriously upgraded the defensive line by signing Darren Howard.They got a legit wideout in

Phinish the Phrase: Down Under Edition

2006-09-05T07:15:00.000-04:00

Irwin, wife Terri and an albino Burmese pythonWIP host Steve Martarano's reaction to hearing that Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin was killed by a sting ray: "It's not news that he died. It was news yesterday that he was still alive." What was your reaction to his death? Phinish the Phrase:When I heard that the Crocodile Hunter died, I thought ...

Phinish the Phrase Phriday ...

2006-09-01T12:26:00.000-04:00

Pinkston's gone. Detmer's outta here. T.O. had to go. N.D. Kalu, not gonna miss you. In fact, now that the Eagles have at least one good player at almost every position, who are we fans gonna pick on this season? Can't even rip the front office much, not after adding the likes of Darren Howard, Broderick Bunkley and Donte Stallworth. So Phinish the Phrase:The Eagle that fans will pick on the most

What If 3 or 4 Teams Tie for Baseball's Wild Card?

2006-08-31T13:21:00.000-04:00

Note: Dotted line added to Phillies cap, so caps show A, B and C.Call 'em the Wild Bunch. Eight teams are bunched within 4 games of each other in the National League's wild-card race. What if, by some juxtaposition of planets and Plutoids, more than two teams end up in a tie? As with almost everything else this side of whether to disqualify chemically aided records, baseball has rules for

Photo Phinish: What's Your Caption?

2006-08-31T09:05:00.000-04:00

Actuality: Two revelers lay in tomato pulp during the annual food fight, the Tomatina, in the town of Bunol, Spain. Each year tens of thousands of people hurl truckloads of tomatoes at each other, sending knee-deep rivers through the streets. Local lore says it began in the mid-1940s with a food battle that broke out between youngsters near a vegetable stand. The next year, they met again, this

March Arrest Part of Reason Saints Unloaded Stallworth?

2006-08-29T07:29:00.000-04:00

The Eagles "got a hell of deal'' in trading for receiver Donte Stallworth, says ex-teammate and friend Joe Horn. "He is a playmaker and his ability is undeniable," said Eagles d-lineman Darren Howard, who played with Stallworth on the Saints and in college. "Stallworth can flat-out fly," says Ron Jaworski. So would did the Saints let a deep threat go for so little? One factor might be character

Phinish the Phrase: T.O. will lead Dallas to ...

2006-08-28T12:32:00.000-04:00

You've probably heard that the Mouth That Bored got fined by the Cowbuoys (image Holsteins bobbing in the Gulf of Mexico) for being late or absent for meetings and rehab sessions. Here, he goes again. Of course, maybe the child learns to tow the line if scolded early. So you Phinish the Phrase: "T.O. will lead Dallas to ..." I'm thinking: "... to make commercials in which Coach Bill Parcells

For Drunks, We're No. 9!

2006-08-28T08:55:00.000-04:00

Once again, Philly comes up short. But this time it's a good thing. Milwaukee is No. 1 for drunks, according to Forbes.com. Philadelphia's only tied for ninth.Makes you wonder: Where else do we rank? Here's what other sites say.Sports: We're No. 9! (Chicago is No. 1. We were 2 last year.)Best cities for singles: We're No. 12! (Denver-Boulder is No. 1.)Anger: We're No. 27! (Orlando, Fla., is No. 1

Phinish the Phrase 2

2006-08-19T00:03:00.000-04:00

Snakes on a Plane might be a so-so movie, but it has one of the all-time grabbiest titles. Combines two things people are most afraid of, snakes and planes. So here's another challenge to your creativity:The "Snakes on a Plane" sequel oughta be ... hmm ... Mother-in-Laws on a Mattress? ... Ebola on an Elevator? Post your ideas. Prize is Internet glory.

Phinish the Phrase ...

2006-08-18T08:23:00.000-04:00

New feature: How would you complete the following setup? Be as serious or funny as you like. (I'm half expecting he'll say: "Ha, ha, hoo, boy, I sure fooled you media bastards! Howard Stern rocks!") Post your thoughts as comments here. A winner will be announced at the end of the day. No cash prizes, I'm afraid. But Internet glory. Gobs of Internet glory. Without confessing to a single crime.I

Google Search Tips

2006-08-17T07:29:00.000-04:00

Found some helpful tips for using Google to search. Knew to use quotes to search for exact phrases ("Philadelphia Eagles"). But didn't know:Use OR in all caps to search for either of two terms. ("Lincoln Financial Field" OR "The Linc.")Use a minus sign to exclude a term. (Ford -Gerald, if you're looking for a car.) Use a plus sign to include a term Google would otherwise exclude. (+the king +of

Better Definition for a Planet?

2006-08-17T07:16:00.000-04:00

Sure, every orbiting rock or iceball deserves to be called a planet, as long as it's round. That's what some astronomers propose. But that means rocks and iceballs about 250 miles across -- less than an eighth the width of the moon -- would get planetary status, including the asteroid Ceres. That's contrary to our intuitive idea about planets as being worlds, places large enough to camp if not

And Another Wacky Thing ...

2006-08-16T05:36:00.000-04:00

Batman and Superman caught for drunk driving. No truth Batman also given ticket for not wearing his utility belt.

Weekly Wacky Web Scoreboard: The Animals Are Winning!

2006-08-15T22:10:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time there were three PETA workers. Their totally legal names were goveg.com, kentuckyfriedcruelty.org and ringlingbeatsanimals.com. (Does PETA stand for People Eager for Tons of Attention?) Now, get-the-word-out mission accomplished, two of them have changed their names back. But not ringlingbeatsanimals.com, who, you might have guessed, is off to L.A. to pursue a career in films.

Eagles Poll: You Agree 'This Is a Super Bowl Team'?

2006-08-15T10:11:00.000-04:00

McNabb says the Eagles can go 13-3 or 14-2. You on board with that?Which statement about the Eagles seems truest to you?[Pull down menu first, make pick, then click "Vote."]"This is a Super Bowl team," as Donovan McNabb says.This is definitely a playoff team, but it's no Super Bowl team.This is a maybe, could-be playoff team, if lucky and healthy.This is an average team, not a playoff team.This

Philly's Treasure Hunter Nears the Jackpot

2006-08-14T21:06:00.000-04:00

Live blog of last night's show in which Philly's "Genius" Francis Goldshmid almost finds the final treasure ...Whoa, talk about excitement! Drive 137 miles from Philly to D.C. to look for a book at the Library of Congress! Does TV get any better than this? (Blinking type goes here: Sarcasm alert.)Three teams of three are left in NBC's Treasure Hunt: Boston's Southie Boys. The Air Force. The

Wise Words From a Local Grandfather

2006-08-10T11:28:00.000-04:00

Wise words deserve to speak for themselves. Truth needs no biography, no bibliography, just the the test of whether the ideas resonate in the soul. So let's quote:"Emotional wounds are the same. Sometimes the wounds do not heal because the mind gets all involved and says things like, 'I should do this and I'll feel better," or ... 'I am hurting because of what another person did, and once they

My Weekly Reader of Weird Web Stuff

2006-08-09T01:19:00.000-04:00

As discussed at 5 a.m. every Wednesday morning on WIP's Big Daddy Graham show! (At least when I haven't overslept.) How to Open a Beer Bottle With a Piece of PaperThe necessity of beer is the mother of invention.More beer news: Lenny Bruce honored with a brewski by Shmaltz Brewing, only semi-irreverent makers of He'Brew. (Probably not what Mel Gibson was drinking.)Jesus sighting: Now his image is

NBC's 'Treasure Hunters' Hits Philadelphia!

2006-08-07T23:05:00.000-04:00

I'm blogging during Monday night's Treasure Hunters on NBC, because the first stop is Philadelphia! And the first-place team, which goes by the name The Geniuses (all three have double majors at SMU), has a player who's a hometown guy!Boy, does long-sideburned Francis Goldshmid (right) think his team has the edge. And literally it soon does, because blond Genius Charles is first one crawling out

10 Philly Sports Analogy Polls

2006-08-07T12:30:00.000-04:00

And now for something completely different ... well, not THAT different ... just pick the answer that you think words best.Free polls from Pollhost.comWatching an NFL preseason game is like ...Enjoying some juicy prime rib with a pitcher of beer. Having a low-salt veggie burger with no-fat cheese and near-beer. Free polls from Pollhost.comTrading Bobby Abreu for minor-league prospects is like ...

Alleged-Idiot-of-the-Last-Two-Weeks Poll

2006-08-03T20:55:00.000-04:00

Since I was on vacation last week, I've doubled the time frame.But this could still be an uncontested election.Mel Gibson. Need I say more?OK, I will, but just for fun.First of all, I'm not including Chuck Bednarik for saying he didn't like Reggie White, and then saying yesterday on WIP he didn't mean it because he got Reggie mixed up with Terrell Owens and/or Mike Mamula ("He dropped his pants!"

Philly Sports Rumors Roundup

2006-08-03T10:04:00.000-04:00

Should fans here expect the unexpected? We keep hearing all sorts of inklings about moves and non-moves that might surprise. OK, this info's sketchy, but we'll keep looking for more and better sources.Is Comcast leaving the door open to a Sixers sale? First, the Boston Globe pressed a case that the team was up for sale, then a Comcast executive denied that. Yesterday, though, Howard Eskin

What in the World Wide Web?!

2006-08-01T23:02:00.000-04:00

URP! Who runs Burger King? Terrorists? Evil feminazis? The Cardiology Cartel? 'Cause one thing's for sure: Any place that offers a sandwich with FOUR beef patties is daring you to play Let's Stop Your Blood From Rushin' Roulette. There it is! The new BK Stacker, complete with bacon and cheese and sauce, of course.What goes around, comes around, bites you in the "buttocks": Guy, arrested for

12 New Slogan Ideas for the Phillies

2006-07-31T07:54:00.000-04:00

The Great 2006 Salary Dump could be good if the Phillies spend that money for impact players, could be a disheartening mess if the goal's just to save money.But one thing's clear: As GM Pat Gillick says, the team's rebuilding and might not be a contender for a couple of years.So maybe it's time to sum up our feelings with a new slogan for the Phillies.Here are my Top 12 ideas. Bet you clever dogs

Open Ended Question: What Do You Wish You'd Find Online?

2006-07-20T12:15:00.000-04:00

Outside of better porn, free money, free beer, a better job, and cheap dates, of course. Got an idea? Post it here.

What Should Stay, or Be Brought Back?

2006-07-20T12:10:00.000-04:00

Free polls from Pollhost.comWhat Early Word features would you like to see continue? (Vote for as many answers as you like)Idiot / Knucklehead of the Week pollWeekly rundown of wacky stories from the WebSports or other mega-polls (like this one) Quizzes, as long as they're not too easy.Short thoughtful essays on important topicsProfiles of successful people with local ties Those "Lighter Side"

What Do You Think of These Ideas?

2006-07-20T12:09:00.000-04:00

Free polls from Pollhost.comWhich of the following do you agree with? (Vote for as many as you like.)Aim for freewheeling fun, like a "morning zoo" type radio show.No, stick to telling us what's new, whether its rumor or hard fact.You need some kind of live chatroom-type software.Inviting fans to have live one-on-one sports debates is a good idea. Give it up, dude. World has too many blogs.I'd

And Another Nosy Inquisition

2006-07-20T12:05:00.000-04:00

This time, just one answer is allowed.Free polls from Pollhost.comWhat do you look for most when you go online?Local news besides sports. Local sports news. National and world news. Multimedia offerings, like photography, podcasts and video. Opinions and comments by other people. Humor and/or entertainment. Practical information. Traffic and/or weather. Any or all of the above, if

Wacky WEBnesday

2006-07-18T19:55:00.000-04:00

Nude man beats car with pigeon. A pet pigeon. Loud Barry Manilow and Doris Day music drives rowdies from Australian park, but the neighbors are going nuts. So what are officials considering? Switching to ABBA and Celine Dion. The sadists!More news from "Down Under": Guy smuggles rare bird eggs in his underwear, says he was only trying to impress his girlfriend. Sure, she was going to peek, see a

Eagles Rankings Roundup

2006-07-18T10:25:00.000-04:00

Some prognosticators can't wait. They have to predict NFL team's fortune even before training camp. Of course, these premature evaluators are about as accurate as a golfer wearing oven mitts. But, hey, if it's football it still fascinates. So here's who's predicted what so far. Bottom line: Everybody thinks the Eagles will be better, but nobody's predicting a return to playoff-shoe-in status. By

Another Alleged Idiot of the Week Poll

2006-07-14T09:36:00.000-04:00

Maybe some week, nobody will deserve this notoriety. This week, though, good candidates abound.Some thought Phillies limited partner Bill Giles showed symptoms of galloping foot-in-mouth disease when he suggested, in remarks made Monday, that pitcher Brett Myers was wrongly accused, that the president of his playoff-starved team was "sensational," and fan negativity about the team was some kind

The Weird, Wacky and Wonderful on the Web

2006-07-11T23:56:00.000-04:00

Oklahoma's Tulsa Drillers gave out Moses bobbleheads, complete with Ten Commandments. No truth that first 10,000 customers were struck by lightning. Teams will do anything for a prophet these days. Moses Malone bobbleheads, that we understand. He was part of the last team to lead us to the Promised Land.The minor-league Moses might have looked like this one, part of a selection of religious

Bill Giles Had His Say, Now You Have Yours

2006-07-11T08:05:00.000-04:00

Read what Bill Giles said about Brett Myers, fans, talk shows, the team and the front office? He's quoted at length today, and Inquirer columnist Phil Sheridan takes issue with some remarks by the best known of the Phillies limited partners. Bloggers are also weighing in. Here's a wide-ranging poll in which you can agree with Giles' views or disagree. You can also post your own comments as

Yet Another Idiot of the Week Poll

2006-07-07T07:23:00.000-04:00

Am I missing somebody? No shake-your-head, roll-your-eyes newsmaking moments this week. Not that I noticed at the time. OK, New Jersey was dumb to let its budget disputes go into overtime. And blame may fall on an 18-year-old bus driver for an accident that injured more than 50 children, but who let him drive? So I'm putting up a starter poll, hoping one of you sharp readers out there might pass

First Look at Terrell Owens' New Book

2006-07-05T17:20:00.000-04:00

"It's one of those nonfiction books that is clearly in many cases fiction," said WIP's Howard Eskin during his rip this afternoon of Terrell Owens' new book, named -- what else? -- T.O. Apparently copies of the book, scheduled for release later this month, have started to hit some local Wal-Marts, where an 'IP producer got one. Details are sketchy, but, according to Eskin, Owens called the Eagles

Allen Iverson Rumor Roundup

2006-07-03T23:52:00.000-04:00

OK, my head's spinning. Can't keep all these Iverson rumors straight. Can't tell if any has as much substance as diet soda. Pop. Pop. Fizz. Fizz. Oh what a relief it probably won't be when Billy King makes the move. Anyway, here's a rundown:Chicago Bulls. With Ben Wallace likely landing in Chicago, the Bulls have some expendable talent, a need for an offensive star, and an option on swapping

Alleged Idiot of the Month Poll

2006-07-02T10:29:00.000-04:00

Funny, how these things work out, but this has turned into an Alleged Sports Idiot of the Month poll. Terrell Owens won the first week, for looking like a traitor to his new town, Dallas, by wearing a Miami uniform courtside in Dallas during the NBA finals.Then it was Big Ben Roethlisberger, who did kissy-face with a windshield while helmetless on the world's fastest street-legal type of

Who's Idiot of the Week, Part 4

2006-06-30T11:15:00.000-04:00

Gonna be tough to beat Roger "Rat Man" Dier, who likes scruffy rodents so much he kept one he found, bought a few more, and LET THEM BREED, until there were 1,300 rats found in his Petaluma, Calif., home. Just one of those hobbies that slowly got out of control, he said.But let's try.If you haven't seen it, check out the ESPN video, of Asheville Tourists manager Joe Mikulik, who goes nuts over an

Pee Wee's Great Adventure!

2006-06-29T14:47:00.000-04:00

Who says Philly never wins anything? Let's hear a round of applause for our new champ: Pee Wee Martini, Ugliest Mutt 2006! Yes, the tongue-dragging mohawked mongrel from Fishtown, an eye-popping mix of Chinese crested and Japanese Chin, yipped all the way to Petaluma, Calif., and brought home a coveted ribbon from the Sonoma-Marin Fair! Talk about Pee-Wee's Great Adventure. He met up with his

Wife-Beater T-Shirts!? Talk About Bad Taste!

2006-06-28T14:24:00.000-04:00

Unbelievable. Sure, the idea seems to be to ridicule Phillies slugger, er, pitcher Brett Myers, who's No. 39. But don't people usually wear a label to express their pride? You wear a McNabb jersey because you like the guy ... the name of your town or a city you visited because you approve. So isn't wearing "Wife Beater" going to suggest, "Yeah, I pop the old lady. Ain't I cool?" Well, no, you're

Philly Sports Hall of Shame, Part 2

2006-06-27T16:00:00.000-04:00

Unlike alleged wife-abuser (and Phillies pitcher) Brett Myers, some other athletes came here with rap sheets, while others got booked and fingerprinted after leaving town. Again, we could use some help in beefing up this list.Arrested Before Playing HereWinston Justice, Eagles offensive tackle. Justice, a second-round draft pick this year, pleaded no contest in 2004 to a misdemeanor charge

Philly Sports Hall of Shame, Part 1

2006-06-26T12:00:00.000-04:00

Brett Myers has the dastardly distinction of joining a thankfully small club: Athletes arrested while playing for a Philadelphia team. Compiling a complete list is daunting, but here's a start. If you think of another name that belongs, post a comment and I'll check it out.Arrested While Playing HereJason Michaels, Phillies outfielder. Last July, he was charged with assaulting a police officer.

Alleged Idiot of the Week Poll

2006-06-23T12:42:00.000-04:00

Uh-oh. Tough decision. It's probably to jump on breaking news and nominate accused-abuser Brett Myers for Idiot of the Week. Innocent until proven guilty, right? And he did plead not guilty. What to do? Hey, how about retitling the poll? Make it Alleged Idiot of the Week? You can still vote, of course, for those who seem indubitably to belong. Like Phil Mickelson, who blew the U.S. Open with

Excited by 'Forever Independent'?

2006-06-23T11:11:00.000-04:00

Here we go again. Jersey couldn't figure out a lively slogan despite big bucks and online voting. Now a coalition of Philadelphia area groups has spent $200,000 and come up with "Forever Independent." It's OK. As in: Well, it's not offensive or apologetic or dishonest. Problem is: What's it really say? Independent of what? The Brits? And what's it selling? It's not like this city's less

Larry Brown Firing Raises Some Questions

2006-06-22T11:33:00.000-04:00

Free polls from Pollhost.comWhat do you think of the Larry Brown firing?(Check off as many answers as you agree with.) Knicks are nuts to give him the boot!No, Knicks are better off without him.He was a great coach here in Philly.I'd bring him back to coach the Sixers.I'd bring him back to be Sixers GM, too.No way. The Sixers would be nuts to bring him back.Hey, I'd even let him manage the

Another Weird and Wacky Week on the Web

2006-06-22T09:58:00.000-04:00

It's a bomb! On second thought, it's a flashing beer sign.Delaware man's first clue about $14,000 gas bill? When utility takes $2,000 out of his bank account.Photo at right: Hindu ascetics in India, possibly demonstrating one way to get better view a rock festival. Either that, or we don't want to know.Gotta guard that family, Dad, from the evil dangers of public schools!Top 10 Signs New Yorkers

Philly Brain Power Test

2006-06-21T13:37:00.000-04:00

Recently, a national survey found that Philadelphia trails most other major cities in having advanced degrees. Hah! Book learning ain't everything. Here's your chance to prove just how "Philly smart" you are.How much dirt is in a pothole 3 feet wide by 3 feet deep? Why isn't it legal in Philadelphia for a man to marry his widow's sister? A vendor with 127 pretzels sells all but 9. How many does

Cheaties, the Breakfast of Allegations!

2006-06-19T23:53:00.001-04:00

Yes, it's time for a new toasty tribute to today's athletes! Introducing: Cheaties, the Breakfast of Allegations, made with "100 percent whole shame" by General Pills. (Hey, sometimes you just gotta open a humorus vein. So to speak. If you know what I mean.) Sorry, but if you want to know all the illegal ingredients, you'll have to Google the blacked-out grand jury transcript. Imagine all the

10 Polls in 1 on the Phillies

2006-06-17T08:28:00.000-04:00

Another night, another loss. Fifth in a row. Seventh in the last 8. More losses for the year (34) than wins (33). One might expect dissatisfaction to reign. But, as we learned with the 10-in-1 Poll on Donovan McNabb, fans' true feelings can be tough to predict.Free polls from Pollhost.comWhich statements describe how you feel about the Phillies? Select as many answers as you like.Yeah, I boo, or

Idiot of the Week Poll No. 2

2006-06-16T04:27:00.000-04:00

Pittsburgh police officer inspects sports memorabilia.Nobody jumped into a cage with lions, and Terrell Owens made more circumspect attire choices. (See last week's poll.) But this week still has a generous dose of dubious decisions. Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger gets on the world's fastest street-legal brand of motorcycle without a helmet and tackles a windshield with his face. A man decides

Give Dad a Book by a Philly Author for Father's Day

2006-06-15T00:04:00.000-04:00

In checking the Free Library's list of weekly author visits, I figured: Whoever's in charge might know more local authors than anybody. So why not ask for a list of suggested gift books for Father's Day? Andy Kahan, managing director of Author Events, was quick to oblige and show he indeed knows his scribes, passing along a generous list of choices. All the ones listed are from this year or last.

Did You Score Eagles Tickets?

2006-06-14T13:22:00.000-04:00

Yesterday's post on how to get Eagles tickets brought has already brought a dozen tales today. So I've moved those remarks onto this new post. So how'd you do? I got tickets to two games ... as I posted below. Anybody get the T.O. game?

How to Score Eagles Tix Tomorrow

2006-06-13T10:00:00.000-04:00

OK, this is verrrry stupid of me. I mean, if I do this, and further empower hundreds of rabid fans, no way I'll score four sets of Eagles tickets tomorrow, the way I did last year. But it's my business to share info. And, besides, this isn't exactly top-secret information. So here goes.First, put together a team of at least three people with a computer and two phones, at least one of the phones

Iverson's Seriously Overrated, 3 Economists Calculate

2006-06-11T00:30:00.000-04:00

For weeks, I've been dreaming of crunching numbers to answer every Sixer fan's biggest question: How big an asset is Allen Iverson? Some fans even say he's a liability, because he's not a team player, a high-percentage shooter or a great defender. Well, along comes a trio of economists to do the analysis and conclude: Iverson is one of the most overrated players in the league. Apparently this

Who's Idiot of the Week?

2006-06-09T06:50:00.000-04:00

There's the guy who got killed when he jumped into a lion's cage to test God.There's the guy who got went to Manchester, England, instead of Manchester, N.H.There's the defendant who sucker-punched his lawyer.There's the squirrel hunter who got stuck so deep in mud it took 11 firefighters to drag him out.And then there's Dallas Cowboy Terrell Owens, who ticked off fans of his new adopted city by

10 Polls in One on Donovan McNabb

2006-06-08T00:01:00.000-04:00

You've been reading and hearing a lot about Donovan McNabb this week. The Inquirer interviewed him ("I didn't have a big-name receiver until T.O. got here, but I had confidence in guys like James Thrash"). So did the Daily News ("I'm not a mama's boy"). And so did Howard Eskin (he spelled his website, www.donovanmcnabb.com, to promote tomorrow's diabetes-fighting fundraiser and his new line of

A Plea for Full-Contact Finish-Line Team Golf

2006-06-06T11:24:00.000-04:00

Bob Barker and Adam Sandler demonstratea popular Full-Contact Golf move in "Happy Gilmore." Yo, guys, it's time. When a 16-year-old like Michelle Wie can compete in a major men's sport, well, it's time to fix that sport! I mean, we can't have girls climbing on our leader boards and stealing our endorsements, can we? There's only one solution: Full-Contact, Finish-Line Team Golf. Each team has 2

6-6-06: Celebrating Halloween in June

2006-06-05T11:54:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow the world ends. Or so some journalists say some folks think. Women want labor to be induced so Jr. can't be accused of being spawned from Satan's seed. The Omen will bring demonic doom to theaters. (We've all seen those 6-6-06 billboards.) Ann Coulter, "wearing a simple cross above her sacred cleavage," releases her Godless book. Hell, Mich., where the Dam Site inn serves drinks called

Who Loves the Phils?

2006-06-04T12:09:00.000-04:00

The city just doesn't seem in love with this Philies team yet. Or do you disagree? Let's take a poll to get a sense of city sentiment.What's the temperature of your Philies fever?(Pull down menu, select answer, then click "Vote")Hot: Always interested, win or lose, every yearVery warm: This year's team, I like Warm: I do watch games, but have my

My Latest Theory on 'Lost': Widmore's War Crimes

2006-06-02T15:30:00.000-04:00

For a long time, my favorite theory about mysterioso ABC series Lost was that the island was Atlantis with wanderlust: Disguised by the very magnetic fields that moved it, it traveled over the centuries from the Mediterranean into the Atlantic and then the Pacific, picking up an 19th-century slave ship, the Black Rock, and polar bears on the way.Now, after the finale, I've come up with my own

Car Buyers Beware of Internet Ads

2006-06-02T09:54:00.000-04:00

It's bad enough to keep getting bogus emails saying my credit info needs updating for eBay, Pay Pal, or some national consumer agency. (Don't click that link! Test it. Put the cursor over it, and see if the same address shows up elsewhere in your browser, often at the bottom. If a different address appears, it's a link to a phony site. Still worried? Then go to eBay's real home page, for instance

Giving Google the National Spelling Bee Test

2006-06-01T14:59:00.000-04:00

Here's a better idea. You know how Google suggests better spellings? Let's misspell actual spelling bee words and see even know-it-all Google gets them right.attahnt: did you mean atlanta?ersats: did you mean ersatz? (You go, Google.)caullicle: your search did not match any documents.tichopotamic: did you mean tychopotamic? (You go, Google.)estreep: did you mean street?parrrrus hilltonn: did you

Don't Get Stung by the Spelling Bee

2006-06-01T14:30:00.000-04:00

No disrespect to the kids, or to the idea of brains being tested instead of brawn. But, seriously, the National Spelling Bee on national TV? What are we watching here? A test of who has wasted the most time memorizing words so obscure that almost nobody outside of dictionary writers and crossword puzzle addicts will see them again in a lifetime. OK, fine, you still say it's kind of cute. But is

Theory That Explains Local Cowboys Fans?

2006-06-01T12:56:00.000-04:00

Yeah, we've all heard the main theories as to why the area seems to have many Dallas Cowboy fans. (1) As little boys, they liked cowboys and stars. (2) They're front-runners, who switched when the Eagles were bad. (3) They're contrarians, just out to fight Eagles fan obnoxiousness with even greater obnoxiousness. I have another theory. I call it the "By Rooting for a Hated Rival, I Can Get People

Boing, Boing, Watch Me Dunk a ... Yoinks!

2006-06-01T12:37:00.000-04:00

Trump Can Taste Those Jackpots!

2006-06-01T11:14:00.000-04:00

Here's a cartoon by Avery Lawrence, a junior at Penn.

Why Not Legalize Sports Gambling?

2006-06-01T06:23:00.000-04:00

Read the story about the boatloads of cash corralled in the apparent bust of a sports-betting ring run by the Mastronardo brothers? One's the late Frank Rizzo's son-in-law, the other a former Eagles draft pick. They were first convicted in 1987, alleged to have a total take of about $50 million a year a few years later, and found with $2.7 million in cash this time.Earlier this year, authorities

Legend of Jesus' Life as a Dad in Japan

2006-05-31T11:23:00.000-04:00

Seeing The DaVinci Code (liked it, even if a suspenser needs an actor intenser than Tom Hanks) reminded me of another legend I'd read about long ago: Jesus spent his missing years traveling Asia, studying with gurus and magicians, and, after surviving the cruxificion, settling down in Japan, where he married, had three daughters, and was buried. Ah, the Internet. Repository of all half-truths.

More Double-Takers From the Web

2006-05-31T10:16:00.000-04:00

Fashion faux pas: Man wields orange flare gun, wears women's purple swimsuitNot the kind of learning this school had in mind.Man proves he's nuts.Ex-Philly official one party animal.Founding Fathers have homicidal transsexuals covered, too?Video: Don't try this Pepsi stunt at home!

These Are Supposedly True

2006-05-30T12:05:00.000-04:00

Poor Australian whores could have to hit the streets ... to smoke.Invention news 1: Bet some people would still trip.Invention news 2: Think your gas mileage stinks?Invention need: Creep-repellant toenail polish.25 injured in cheese chase.

But This One Is Pure Fabrication

2006-05-30T12:04:00.000-04:00

MLB to place asterisk, pound sign, exclamation point, letter F next to Bonds' name in record books

Fans Picking Up on a Pick-Up Line?

2006-05-30T04:47:00.000-04:00

Story goes that guy's in a bar, chatting up a bodacious babe in leather pants, when ESPN's Chris Berman strides by, says "You're with me, leather," and off she goes. Story gets put on a sassy sports blog, headlined "He ... could ... go ... all .. the ... way," inspiring all sorts of funny comments, such as "Thanks. You now owe me breakfast and a new keyboard," and "Using that on the wife when she

Jimmy Hoffa Cupcakes

2006-05-26T14:33:00.000-04:00

At a Milford, Mich., bakery, unburied treasures are popular.

"A.I. Stands for Available Immediately"

2006-05-26T11:47:00.000-04:00

This week, while South Beach was speculating about Allen Iverson partying, Philly was abuzz about Sixers GM Billy King talking of "rebuilding," and Atlanta was debating acquiring the Sixers frenetic all-too guard. One Coketown columnist is gung-ho (that's his quote in the headline), another rather dubious. The rumor has been floating awhile, in various versions. Swap A.I. in a sign-and-trade for

So You Think You Know the Eagles? A Quiz

2006-05-25T06:45:00.000-04:00

The Eagles have done more shuffling than a casino with card-counter paranoia. Only the most die-hard Eagles fans will ace this roster test. Consider yourself sharp if you get 8 or more right. ABFirst-round draft pick Brodrick Bunkley, who looks a bit like Shrek, plays (a) defensive tackle (b) offensive tackle.Matt Nordgren is (a) drafted return man and Olympian (b) newly signed QB, who backed up

Fishtown Dog Up for 'World's Ugliest' Title

2006-05-24T07:42:00.000-04:00

Vote for "Pee-Wee, Son of Sam"! This Chinese Crested / Japanese Chin mix has its nose out of joint, as well as some kind of world's ugliest pedigree. More pictures, details.

'Idol' Prediction: Vote Will Prove Meaningless

2006-05-24T06:34:00.000-04:00

Sure, the world's abuzz about whether hokey-smokes "Soul Patroller" Taylor Hicks will outpoll kneel-deal sweetie Katharine McPhee and win tonight's American Idol title. But I can't help thinking: The voting process is a sham! Once again, expect the vote to be so close that introducer/anti-traducer Ryan Seacrest will get all suspensefully amazed. Don't be surprised at all. I'm confident that

Sixers Addition-By-Subtraction Poll

2006-05-22T23:59:00.000-04:00

The future looks scary for the Sixers, missing the playoffs despite productive seasons from aging stars Allen Iverson and Chris Webber. So what's the solution? What's the shortest route to restoring title dreams? Patience, keeping the roster intact? Or are changes needed? Here's a poll. Of course, saying a player should go assumes that happens in a smart trade. Free polls from Pollhost.comTo fix

Phils Rookies in Zoot Suits

2006-05-22T16:21:00.000-04:00

Thought such colors were only found on bubble gum.

Oh, That Wacky Web

2006-05-22T15:35:00.000-04:00

The world's worst beers. Urp!"Naked men try to calm a volcano's rumbling." Maybe they had too much bad beer. Maybe the volcano did.With friends like these, who needs a gerbil?Why, I think I'll take a nap ... in this coffin.What Harry Potter fans get to name a dinosaur.Look out below!Stuntman sets himself on fire? I can't watch. Email me if he does or doesn't live.

Kimmel and Cousin Sal Give Car Away in Philly

2006-05-19T17:25:00.000-04:00

Sure it was a publicity stunt for Jimmy Kimmel Live and Pontiac, but Philly got a taste of national TV last night. There's Jimmy's Cousin Sal at a curb in Philly, mike in hand, waiting for a bus. Watch what happens on the abc.com "Sal Dreamaker" video ... or just read on. First off the bus is Philly's Brett McGinley. Sal asks if he's 18. Yes. Valid driver's license? Yes. Next comes a question

Terrell Owens' Moorestown Mansion Still a Free Agent

2006-05-19T14:25:00.000-04:00

Terrell Owen's N.J. home. Click buttons for more views. Ex-Eagles Terrell Owens may be a Dallas Cowboy now, but he still has one tie to the Philadelphia area: His Moorestown mansion, still on the market since midseason. Houses don't sell like memorabilia, according to listing agent Erica Lacey of Blue Chip Realty. "When you get into the millions, especially where the interest rates are now,

Some Guys Just Can't Handle Rejection

2006-05-19T10:41:00.000-04:00

Especially if he's not bulletproof.

Letterman Wants You! And Your Little Dog, Too

2006-05-19T07:17:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow in Chalfont, Bucks County, Late Night With David Letterman isn't just looking for Stupid Pet Tricks, but Stupid Human Tricks, too. The creature feature has been part of the CBS show for 20 years, and both pets and people have to voluntarily put on a pretty eye-popping stunt, says talent coordinator Brian Teta. (No actual eye-popping, please.) It's not enough to just be double-jointed,

Something Get Lost in Translation?

2006-05-19T06:22:00.000-04:00

Either that, or the gas station folks didn't know people are priceless.

Collingswood High Grad Wins 'Amazing Race'!

2006-05-17T23:34:00.000-04:00

So much for having a headstart. At the first airport, Collingswood High grad B.J. Averell and hippie pal Tyler MacNiven suddenly plummeted to first to third (and last) place in last night's Amazing Race finale. "Frat boys" Eric and Jeremy and dating Ray and Yolanda arrive in Tokyo more than an hour earlier. Tasks there included scanning giant video screens at the world's busiest intersection for

'Amazing' Could Happen: Local Nears a Reality-TV Title

2006-05-17T01:02:00.000-04:00

After trekking the planet via Brazil, Europe, Oman, Australia and Thailand, B.J. Averell, the lucky Dharma bum who went to Collingswood High, seems poised to make local history tonight. Has any area person ever won a jumbo-jackpot reality-TV show? Doylestown's Justin Guarini finished second on American Idol in 2002, and Philly/South Jersey lass Stephenie LaGrossa was last fall's bridesmaid on

Larry Brown Could Be Available ...

2006-05-17T00:44:00.000-04:00

The Knicks are rumored to be on the verge of letting Larry Brown walk. With a cozy little nest egg of, oh, $40 million. Which brings up the question, would you have him back? None of his many successors have done as well as he did here. And he does emphasize defense, a skill sorely missed on this squad. Nevertheless, he may have left some relationships in so much disrepair (with Allen Iverson,