Pee Wee's Great Adventure!

Who says Philly never wins anything? Let's hear a round of applause for our new champ: Pee Wee Martini, Ugliest Mutt 2006! Yes, the tongue-dragging mohawked mongrel from Fishtown, an eye-popping mix of Chinese crested and Japanese Chin, yipped all the way to Petaluma, Calif., and brought home a coveted ribbon from the Sonoma-Marin Fair! Talk about Pee-Wee's Great Adventure. He met up with his sort-of-sibling rival in extreme need of makeover, Elwood, from Washington Township, South Jersey, who finished second. (That's him in the picture below with owner Karen Quigley.) Fans stopped to ooh and ah and photograph Pee Wee's famous mug in Petaluma. "Journalists" from as far as Germany and Japan (really mad scientists studying old Axis genetic experiments?) interviewed his owner, Kristin Maszkiewicz (center, below), who told how she couldn't help bringing Pee Wee home from a pet store in Langhorne, because he was so "adorable." Then, ah romance! With a celebrity no less! Yes, Pee Wee fell in love with Lucille Bald, the Florida floozie who finished third. She's shown below with owner Andrea Potts, and in another pic in bed with Pee Wee!

OK, OK, one fact's been left out. Pee Wee did not win the title of World's Ugliest Dog. Alas. That went to Archie, winner of Ugliest Purebred 2006. But foul! The judges admitted Pee Wee's face is uglier, Maszkiewicz sez. Perhaps Archie outscored in the final showdown because his chubby bod was more repulsive than Pee Wee's. "Maybe because he has a really nice butt, they didn't think he was ugly enough," she says. Whatever. As we all know, mutts are better than purebreds, so Pee Wee's a winner. Masziewicz vows to try again next year, even though she and boyfriend Sam had to pay for their own airfare to the fair. (That's him behind her in photo below.) Kristin, an accountant's assistant who sports a martini tattoo for her Pee Wee Martini, explains that his tongue hangs out because teeth never grew in on that side. No wonder Lucille Bald found him irresistible. To contact Pee Wee, drop him an email at peeweemartini@aol.com. He's still working on his website, www.peeweemartini.com.