Friday, February 10, 2006
The Winter Yo-Lympics
Don't give two hoots about the real Games, starting today in Turin? Then imagine if Philly had its own extravaganza. Click button for each event lised below to switch illustrations.
(This presentation was written by Peter Mucha, illustrated by William Neff, and first published in The Inquirer in 2002.)
Two-man teams -- like Joey Merlino and Angelo Lutz -- see their lives go downhill, thanks to a judicious shove from federal prosecutors. Teams have to enter a dangerous stretch called "The Slammer" and sometimes don't reappear for years.
Think those sequined shirts catch the wind New Year's Day? Put a Mummer on the slope, have him slip on dem golden slippers.
Rowdy fans once pelted St. Nick at Franklin Field. Turnabout is fair play.
Two snowflakes hit a cow in Amish country. The winner is the first TV meteorologist to interrupt all programming and provoke bread-snatching supermarket panic.
Motorists frantically swerve to avoid craters. "Pit stops" are perilous! Drivers who break off a "double axle" also have to perform "synchronized estimating," where they team with body shops to get the max from insurers.
A wide-bodied city goes mano-a-mano with narrow-guage seats. It's a test of will, patience and sheer compression.
Yo-Lympics Extra: A Not-So-Helpful Glossary
Yo-pening ceremonies. Run up "the Rocky steps" is followed by traditional lighting of the soft-pretzel-cart Sterno.
Buy-athlon. Rejected nickname for Boscov's proposed answer to Clover Days.
Toe Loop. Now what are they piercing?
Triple Low Loop. Maneuver followed by tow truck trying to find where in blazes you called from.
Curling. Jersey girls take on South Philly fillies in a big-hair showdown.
Compulsories. What those shivering smokers are doing outside their office buildings.
The Romanian Judge. TV's 27th new courtroom drama.
Luge. Pronounced "loozh." It's French for "loogie."
Send Early Word your own ideas.