Friday, June 09, 2006
There's the guy who got killed when he jumped into a lion's cage to test God.
There's the guy who got went to Manchester, England, instead of Manchester, N.H.
There's the defendant who sucker-punched his lawyer.
There's the squirrel hunter who got stuck so deep in mud it took 11 firefighters to drag him out.
And then there's Dallas Cowboy Terrell Owens, who ticked off fans of his new adopted city by wearing a Shaquille O'Neal Miami jersey at the Dallas-Miami game last night ... a day after showing up eight hours late for his own youth football camp!
Thursday, June 08, 2006
You've been reading and hearing a lot about Donovan McNabb this week. The Inquirer interviewed him ("I didn't have a big-name receiver until T.O. got here, but I had confidence in guys like James Thrash"). So did the Daily News ("I'm not a mama's boy"). And so did Howard Eskin (he spelled his website, www.donovanmcnabb.com, to promote tomorrow's diabetes-fighting fundraiser and his new line of apparel). So, here's a chance for you to pose for a snapshot of the town's current feelings. We all know, after all, opinions are cheap: They come and go like winning streaks.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Bob Barker and Adam Sandler demonstrate
a popular Full-Contact Golf move in "Happy Gilmore."
Yo, guys, it's time. When a 16-year-old like Michelle Wie can compete in a major men's sport, well, it's time to fix that sport! I mean, we can't have girls climbing on our leader boards and stealing our endorsements, can we? There's only one solution: Full-Contact, Finish-Line Team Golf. Each team has 2 players: a shooter and disrupter/caddie. Two teams per hole at a time. Ready, set, bang! The gun goes off, crowds scream as teams simultaneously run onto area where they tee off. Or try to. You see, in FCFLTG (Tough-Guy Golf, for short), the caddie (cad, for short) adds the much-needed element: defense. He can stand in the way. He can steal tees. He can kick the other shooter's balls. (Wearing protection is recommended. That's why cads are advised to thwart face divots by carrying tennis rackets. See note below.) Anyhow, forget dirt-inserting a tee, unless your cad can totally wrestle mine to the ground. Faster way to start: Toss ball up and whack in midair. Almost anything goes, except for using "clubs" as weapons. A few of the fine points:
Monday, June 05, 2006
Tomorrow the world ends. Or so some journalists say some folks think. Women want labor to be induced so Jr. can't be accused of being spawned from Satan's seed. The Omen will bring demonic doom to theaters. (We've all seen those 6-6-06 billboards.) Ann Coulter, "wearing a simple cross above her sacred cleavage," releases her Godless book. Hell, Mich., where the Dam Site inn serves drinks called Bloody Devils, is having a party where schoolchildren pass through the Gates of Hall. Slayer was to start its Unholy Alliance Tour, until a band member fell ill. Other acts, even though Tuesday is normally album release day, wouldn't be caught dead giving birth to a new CD tomorrow. Online outlet Radio Free Satan plans Satan's Rockin' 666 Eve tonight in L.A. Here's a Daily News piece that says 666 might be a misreading, that the real spooky number was 616. And there's the lampoony Landover Baptist Church site, with a checklist of tips for Christian mothers, titled "Is My Child the Devil's Son?" Among its helpful hints (a la HELLoise?): "Ladies, keep your legs crossed until after midnight ... make sure that the child is kept in a chicken cage on the hospital floor ... and check under your child's testicles for any peculiar markings." Me, I'm going to play the lottery ... 666, of course.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
The city just doesn't seem in love with this Philies team yet. Or do you disagree? Let's take a poll to get a sense of city sentiment.