Morning News
and more from the Philadelphia Inquirer.



The Inquirer
• Home page
• Front page
• Local • U.S. & world
• Sports • Business
• Arts / Lifestyles
• Weekend • Q&As



philly.com
• Breaking news all day
• Blogs & podcasts


What Is Early Word?
The Philadelphia Inquirer's experimental online "morning show", which began in Sept. 2005, went on hiatus in the summer of 2006, after a gradual shift to putting more of its content directly on Philly.com.



About the Host
Peter Mucha, husband and father of two, grew up in Cherry Hill and is a lifelong Philly sports fan. He's been writing and editing for The Inquirer for 18 years. His motto (at least for today): "If I'm not brief, give me grief."

View Blogger profile.

Tip on posting comments: After you click a comment link, select "other" or "anonymous" in the pop-up box. That way, you won't be asked for a password.





Early Word logo
The Inquirer's ever-evolving way to start your day. Email. Phone: 215-854-2388.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

The Man With All the Answers 

The following is fictional.

One day Alex Trebek went to Pre-Wheel Elementary in Syndication City. "Students," said Mrs. Wolliver, "This is Mr. Trebek, host of the TV show Jeopardy! Would anyone like to ask him a question?"

"Ooh, ooh!" said Hermione Jo. "What is Australia?"

"I remember the answer to that," said Mr. Trebek. "In 1827, Allan Cunningham became the first European to explore this continent's Darling Downs."***

Hermione Jo wrinkled a brow hard enough to defy botox.

"I got one!" said Eleesha. "What is green?"

Mr. Trebek's eyes twinkled. "We envy the Egyptian mau cat, whose eyes are the gooseberry shade of this color,"*** he said.

Eleesha's eyes rolled up far under her forehead.

"Me, me, I do!" said Dmitri. "Who was Lincoln?"

Mr. Trebek smiled and said, "In the Scarecrow's song 'If I Only Had a Brain' in The Wizard of Oz, this president's name is mentioned."***

Dmitri scratched his head lice, which in turn scratched their dust mites.

"Ahem," said Mrs. Wolliver. "Mr. Trebek, why does your show replace the word what with the word this to turn what is really a long trivia question into a pseudo-answer no one would ever give?"

"Er, uh, hrrumph," said Mr. Trebek. "We never had that question on our show before! Anybody else want to buzz in? Oop, there's the signal the round is over! I'm afraid I have to end this show!"

Mrs. Wolliver turned to the class. "What is the magic word?" she said.

Eleesha, Hermione Jo, Vinnie and Dmitri didn't hesitate. Being quick learners, they cheerfully said in unison: "Abracadabra and alakazam, as well as such two-word phrases as hocus pocus and open sesame, which was used by the character Ali Baba in 1001 Arabian Nights, are examples referred to by this fanciful term of stage and story."

"Smart ... kids!" said Mr. Trebek with a pause. "Why don't you try out for the grammar school edition of Deal or No Deal? Or Win Ben Stein's Money? On second thought, don't answer that. I've experienced enough Jeopardy! for today! So long!"

"Goodbye, Mr. Trebek!!!!"

"Thank you very much, Mr. Trebek," said Mrs Wolliver.

***Actual answer quoted verbatim from a recent Jeopardy!


Go to: Early Word = Philadelphia Inquirer = philly.com = Lighter Side

Most Recent Posts
• So Everybody on 'Lost' Is Hallucinating?!

• 'That's Right, Kid. T.O.'s Coming for Christmas'

• Running Joe Banner Through the Wringer

• Caravan to Canton for Reggie Induction, Eagles Gam...

• We've Been Duped by the President?!

• Aargh! April Fool's Lives On!

• Sixers Talk: Iverson trades? King excuses?

• They Wrote What Off on Their Taxes?

• To B.S. or Not to B.S.

• Stalking the Mock Drafts: Who Will Eagles Pick?




 Early Word Archives

   •  September 11, 2005
   •  September 18, 2005
   •  September 25, 2005
   •  October 02, 2005
   •  October 09, 2005
   •  October 16, 2005
   •  October 23, 2005
   •  October 30, 2005
   •  November 06, 2005
   •  November 13, 2005
   •  November 20, 2005
   •  November 27, 2005
   •  December 04, 2005
   •  December 11, 2005
   •  December 18, 2005
   •  January 01, 2006
   •  January 08, 2006
   •  January 15, 2006
   •  January 22, 2006
   •  January 29, 2006
   •  February 05, 2006
   •  February 12, 2006
   •  February 19, 2006
   •  February 26, 2006
   •  March 05, 2006
   •  March 12, 2006
   •  March 19, 2006
   •  March 26, 2006
   •  April 02, 2006
   •  April 09, 2006
   •  April 16, 2006
   •  April 23, 2006
   •  April 30, 2006
   •  May 07, 2006
   •  May 14, 2006
   •  May 21, 2006
   •  May 28, 2006
   •  June 04, 2006
   •  June 11, 2006
   •  June 18, 2006
   •  June 25, 2006
   •  July 02, 2006
   •  July 09, 2006
   •  July 16, 2006
   •  July 30, 2006
   •  August 06, 2006
   •  August 13, 2006
   •  August 27, 2006
   •  September 03, 2006
   •  September 10, 2006
   •  September 17, 2006
   •  December 31, 2006
   •  April 29, 2012


Philadelphia
Sports Links

General philly.com sportsInquirer, Daily News columnists610WIPWPENComcast SportsNetNBC10CBS36ABC
Football philly.com footballPhiladelphia EaglesSoul
Basketball philly.com basketballSixers
Ice Hockey philly.com hockeyFlyersPhantoms
Baseball philly.com baseballPhilliesCamden River SharksWilmington Blue RocksReading PhilliesTrenton ThunderAtlantic City SurfScranton-Wilkes Barre Red Barons
More Sports philly.com golfphilly.com collegesphilly.com high schoolsKixxWings