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Sunday, April 09, 2006

Urologist's Rap Rips T.O. 

"I never grew up at all, but I was raised on Long Island," said Rich Harkaway, 42, who lives in Moorestown, practices urology in Philadelphia, and jet-hops the planet as in-demand lecturer on prostate problems. While in med school at Penn, Harkaway became an ardent Philly sports fan, and now has season tickets to all four teams. Ownership of one set of seats, however, became problematic after his ex-wife fell for the contractor redoing their basement, he said. "There's more in their divorce agreement about how we split up the Eagles tickets than how we split up the children." He's happier than ever now, he says, enjoying time with sons Eric, 10, Andrew, 7, and girlfriend Lu. Harkaway has long dabbled at standup comedy, sometimes at open-mike nights, but mostly for colleagues, entertaining them with wacky songs about medical matters. Recently, though, after hearing Terrell Owen's "I told you so" anti-Eagles rap (hear it on T.O.'s website or read the lyrics), Harkaway wrote and recorded a retort called "Just a Fool," to the tune of "Bust a Move." He sent a copy to Angelo Cataldi, who played it and praised it on WIP's morning show. Now it's here, on demand, with a couple of ways to listen to the first two verses, along with the lyrics. If you'd like get in touch with Harkaway about the song, drop him an email at

Oh, and don't take the injury imagery seriously. It's just football-fan trash talk.

Just a Fool
(Sung to the tune of "Bust a Move")

Windows Media version:

this is an audio post - click to play

mp3 version:

this is an audio post - click to play

It was a new day dawning I was tired and yawning
There was no one on the road at like 6 in the morning
When my girl calls me up and says, "You hear this crap?"
"That fool T.O. just made a new rap"
Now I’d never leave her, but I don’t believe her.
Is he a rapper, a yapper or a wide receiver?
So I flip on the music and here it comes.
Sure enough that jackass is flapping his gums
About his brand-new contract and all his money,
How he got the last laugh and it's all so funny,
How he's so damn great and he just can't wait
To make them all happy in the Lone Star State.
But soon they'll be saying the same stuff we say
And your autograph will go for two bucks on eBay.
You think you're the man but you're not that cool.
C'mon, T.O., you’re just a fool!

(At right: Image of Owens as crybaby from parody "Child's Play.")

You and your chosen louse, this Rosenhaus,
I circled the day you'll be back in our house.
I got my VIP seats right next to Mr. Lurie,
A blindfold for my son if it gets too gory,
And we'll see you back in Philly, my loudmouth friend.
Let's see if you can play this year to the end.
Let's see you score a touchdown and try to gloat:
You'll have a fist in your face and a Sharpie in your throat.
We got B. Dawk and he'll be stalkin'.
We'll see who's the last guy standing and talkin'.
We'll see who can play right up in your face.
Maybe you can borrow Michael Irvin's neck brace!
But goodness' sake I doubt I'm mistaken
You're gonna wind up with more concussions than Aikman
Because a team means a team and you broke the rule.
C'mon, T.O., you're just a fool!

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