Tuesday, August 01, 2006
URP! Who runs Burger King? Terrorists? Evil feminazis? The Cardiology Cartel? 'Cause one thing's for sure: Any place that offers a sandwich with FOUR beef patties is daring you to play Let's Stop Your Blood From Rushin' Roulette. There it is! The new BK Stacker, complete with bacon and cheese and sauce, of course.
What goes around, comes around, bites you in the "buttocks": Guy, arrested for cruelty to animals, escapes, but gets recaptured by a police dog taking a real bite out of crime.
Dead ugly creatures deserve respect, too: British town cancels its dead-eel slinging contest after one anonymous emailer whines about being nice to lifeless legless sea critters. So the wusses, I mean, men of Lyme Regis became a-Freud to whip out a 25-pound conger (here's a picture you probably don't want to see), and used a car fender instead to knock each other off-balance like human bowling pins to raise money for lifeguard crews.
New bird flu panic grips the badminton set! Oh no. There's a shortage of feathers for shuttlecocks because millions of geese in China were executed to control the disease that might mutate and kill us all. (Wonder if the Chinese first came up with the gun-illustrated message I saw in a car window today: "Keep honking while I reload.")
Thank goodness you won't find this "clip" on Youtube: Circumcision festival in Kosovo. Here's a delicately edited photo (by Ermal Meta/AFP/Getty Images):
Why some drinkers need designated thinkers: Sure, waitress, here is this stolen ID that looks exactly like you.
Pun of the week (from fark.com): "Many girls in line for STD treatment; each one minds herpes and queues. ("in line" ... "STDs" ... "Herpes and queues" ... get it?)
Joke of the week. How come women with large breasts can work at Hooters but a man with a peg leg can't get a job at I-Hop? (OK, not from the Web. I heard this on WIP's midday show. So?)
Some guys'll do anything to get out of the house: British "mole man" banned his own mansion because he dug all sorts of tunnels under it. Ah, guy's probably just angling for a part as a villian in some X-Men or Spiderman sequel.
Yo, Barbaro, check this out: Three-legged horse gets a prosthetic leg, complete with hockey puck for a hoof. Where? Where else? Hockey-crazy Canada. Calgary, to be precise. Eh?